


Left Behind

by Sassi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 1st person pov, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Aunt May survived the Snap, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Female Reader, Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Compliant, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Some suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-02-07 08:38:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18617083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassi/pseuds/Sassi
Summary: Parents gone. Friends gone. Peter missing. New York City is in turmoil and thousands, possibly millions, are gone. It’s not safe here. Have to keep May company, have to keep her safe. What the hell is happening?





	1. D-Day & The Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nfsnskkfbsnanan](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=nfsnskkfbsnanan), [RaspberryJuli](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaspberryJuli/gifts).



> Request: i love the way you write peter parker / reader and their dynamic w tony, and i was wondering if you could do a one shot / fic where readers family got dusted and peters gone and tony gets back and she either comes to the compound w them / stays w may and how they can work through peter being gone and getting him back
> 
> Despite the angst-fest that this turned into, this was a lot of fun to write! I didn't really go into the whole getting him back thing, but I hope you enjoy!

There was no warning. No announcement, no hint, no sign at all of what was about to happen.

The alien invasion had definitely been alarming, but the ship hovering over New York had pulled back and disappeared off into space again. The chaos of people screaming and running had calmed down; people returned to their cars (hopefully, _their_ cars) and carried on with their day. The next day, aside from some road and building repairs in progress and some dramatic headlines, things were basically back to normal. Well aside from the fighting that was apparently still happening in Africa.

The last time something like this had happened was back in 2012 when Loki had tried to take over with his alien army. I’d been a tad bit too young to understand the actual implications and the scale of the event back then, but even after that pretty devastating event, things settled back to a sort of normal relatively quickly. New York never stopped, not even after an alien invasion.

The fact that Peter had leapt out of the bus to investigate the ship wasn’t that surprising to me. The fact that I hadn’t heard from him was… more alarming. I pulled out my phone and stared at our text messages from the day before.

 

 **Me (8:23am):** Field trip day! You excited? 😁

 

 **Peter (8:25am):** A half day off school? Yes. Walking around looking at art? Not so much.

 

 **Me (8:26am):** Come ooooooon, don’t be a downer. It’ll be fun! You can hold my hand if you want 😘

 

 **Peter (8:27am):** That does make it sound more interesting. Though how am I supposed to focus on art when I see at a masterpiece every time I look at you? 🥰

 

 **Me (8:27am):** …

 **Me (8:28am):** That was fucking smooth, I’ll give you that

 **Me (8:28am):** You’re the sweetest 😘

 

 **Peter (8:29am):** Thanks babe ❤️

 **Peter (8:29am):** I do actually have to get ready now though! 😅 See you soon! Love you ❤️

 

 **Me (8:30am):** Love you too ❤️

 

 **Me (10:28am):** Good luck Pete! Please be careful!

 **Me (10:52am):** We’re at MoMA now, but we’re just mostly hiding and waiting for things to blow over. Flash is trying to act cool, but he’s totally freaking out

 **Me (1:36pm):** We’re back at school now so whenever you’re done fighting, just come back here

 **Me (3:34pm):** Okay Peter, I’m getting kinda scared now. Please let me know if you’re okay

 **Me (4:21pm):** Peter, please. I’m really freaking out here…

 **Me (7:45pm):** I know you’re probably fine and these messages will make me seem crazy and needy, but god I don’t even care right now.

 **Me (7:47pm):** The thought of you laying somewhere seriously injured or… worse… I can’t even deal with it. Please please please please please be okay

 **Me (9:09pm):** I’m so tired, but I can’t sleep if I don’t hear from you. My brain keeps coming up with fucking horrible possible scenarios and it’s torture Peter. It’s fucking torture.

 **Me (9:58pm):** Peter…

 

The messages I’d sent today were about the same and my anxiety was only increasing. Learning that May, Ned and MJ hadn’t heard anything either made it worse again.

The screeching of tires forced my head up from my phone and I saw a car headed straight for me. With a startled gasp, I hurriedly dived out of the way, landing hard on the sidewalk as the car smashed into the storefront I’d been standing in front of. A few pieces of shattered glass landed close to me, but other than that and my insanely fast heartbeat, I was completely fine.

I got to my feet and quickly dialled 911 on my phone. “Oh my god, are you okay?”

There was… no one inside. The airbag had deployed but there was no driver or passengers at all. Just some random dust that blew out when I yanked open the car door. Not sure what else to do (and definitely in some kind of shock), I just ended the call and kept walking. To my confusion, I passed a few more empty cars, either crashed or just stopped in the middle of the road. Then I came across people who seemed just as confused as I was.

One woman was staring up at the sky, her eyes wide and terrified. “I… I don’t understand. What’s happening?”

“Ma’am?” I asked, hesitantly. “Are you okay?”

She leapt about a foot in the air, breathing heavily and gripping her handbag tightly. “Who… I… My boyfriend was… he was here and then he just vanished!”

“Vanished?” I repeated. “Like… he walked off kind of vanished?”

“No…” She shook her head almost violently. “Like… I was holding his h… his hand and… he turned to dust!”

Tears streamed down her cheeks and she wasn’t even looking at me anymore, more like looking through me. My whole body went cold.

“To d-dust?” I stammered.

My mind flashed back to the car. The one with pieces of dust on the seat rather than a person… Oh god.

I backed away from the woman. She didn’t even notice my retreat, her eyes drifting down to her hand as she clenched and unclenched it, a completely lost look on her face. My steps sped up and I spun around, running back to my apartment. More empty cars, more horrified and confused expressions, half-open doors, still moving playground equipment.

My fingers shook so violently that I dropped the keys twice before managing to get the door open. The TV was playing quietly in the lounge room - some random cooking show from the sounds of it. When I’d left home just over two hours ago, stressed out of my mind and in need of a walk and some fresh air, my parents had been hanging out at home - Dad in the office, Mom reading on the couch.

“Mom!” I called out, walking further into the apartment. “Dad!”

No answer. The man on the TV kept cheerfully chatting away, explaining whatever step he was on in his recipe. My chest grew tighter, each breath getting harder and harder to take.

“M-mom? Dad?” Higher pitched now, the fear impossible to hide from my voice.

The lounge room was empty. The curtains floated around gracefully, blown around by the gentle breeze coming through the open windows. The book she’d been reading was now on the coffee table with her usual bookmark slipped between the pages. The office was just to the side of the lounge room and I walked inside. The chair wasn’t pushed all the way under the desk, but it wasn’t sticking all the way out either. It was like someone had been sitting in it and then just…

Oh god…

I slowly walked toward the chair and with a visibly shaking hand, I reached out and spun it around. Dust. Just a few tiny pieces of it, trapped in a fold of the chair, but it was enough. Like it had burned me, I yanked my hand away from the chair.

The air felt thick and I panted heavily, barely even aware that I was shaking my head back and forth and just muttering the word “no” over and over again. I kept backing up, then tripped and landed hard on the carpeted floor. The impact knocked over the lamp on the coffee table and both it and Mom’s book fell to the floor. A tiny cloud of way too familiar looking dust particles flew up with it.

Desperately, I reached for my phone and rang Peter’s number. I held my breath, feeling light-headed as it rang… and rang… and rang.

“Hey, this is Peter! Leave a message!”

The sound of his upbeat voice broke me and I curled up on the semi-comfortable floor, sobbing. My phone slipped from my fingers. Tears fell from the corners of my eyes, rolling across my nose and down my temple, dripping down onto the carpet. I sucked in gasps of air, but they left my lungs again immediately with every sob that left me. My arms curled protectively around my middle, trying to hold together the ripped apart fragments of my heart.

An awful idea popped in my head and I sat up suddenly, a rush of dizziness hitting me hard. The phone was still open from my attempted call to Peter, so I scrolled up to find the name I wanted, my eyes so filled with tears I could barely see.

“Please please please,” I chanted, pressing call with a shaking finger.

It rang… and rang… and rang…

“Hi, this is Ned. I uhh… can’t come to the phone right now so leave a message.”

Another piece broke away from my heart and I scrolled up in my contacts again, pressing call.

It rang… and rang… and rang…

“Hello?”

I sighed in relief, my words coming out in a hurried and jumbled mess. “Oh my god, MJ! It’s so good to hear y-“

“Kidding! Who even calls people anymore, seriously? Leave a message and I probably won’t get back to you. Later!”

I let my phone fall from my hand, watching as it hit the carpet with a muted thud. No matter how hard I prayed, how hard I begged, it didn’t ring, just stayed silent. Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks again, but I barely even felt them. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, pressing my back against the couch, rocking back and forth slightly. My eyes stayed locked on my phone and I just waited. After about an hour, I moved again, stretching my arm down to pick up my phone again. I’d never considered myself to be a masochist, but as I hit call again, it definitely seemed as if I’d become one.

“Hey, this is Peter! Leave a message.”

Redial.

“Hey, this is Peter! Leave a message.”

Redial.

“Hey, this is Peter! Leave a message.”

Redial.

“Hello?”

My eyes widened. Definitely not Peter since it was a female voice, but god did it sound familiar. I ripped the phone away from my ear to see the name of the person I’d accidentally called: May Parker.

“Hello?” she said again, sounding extremely tired.

“May?” I choked out. “You’re okay?”

Her breathing was a little unsteady now as well. “It’s good to hear your voice, love. Are you alright?”

“I… I am, but my…” I didn’t know how it was possible for me to still have tears left, but there they were. “Mom and Dad… They… They’re…”

“Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry,” she sighed. Her voice was soft and full of love and I could only sob harder.

She let me cry and I appreciated the fact that she didn’t offer false promises like “It’ll be okay”, because how the fuck was it all going to be okay…

Finally, I asked,” Have you heard from Peter?”

A sniffle on the other end told me she was crying too. “No… I haven’t. Have you?”

It killed me to have to tell her, to crush that tiny spark of hope I could hear in her voice. “No, I haven’t either.”

She breathed in slowly and unsteadily. “Okay… okay. Here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to come stay with me, at least until we figure out what’s going on. People are unpredictable at the best of times and with all this going on… I’d hate the thought of you getting hurt.”

“I’d like that,” I said quietly. “I don’t want to be on my own.”

“Well you won’t be,” she said. “You get your things together and I’ll come get you.”

“There are a lot of empty cars on the road,” I warned. “You might not be able to get through.”

“I’ll borrow a shopping cart,” she laughed, a very weak one with next to no actual humour in the sound. “I’ll be there soon.”

 

* * * * * * * *

 

**Day 1**

**Me (5:21pm):** Hey Pete… I’m staying with May now that Mom and Dad are… God I can’t even type out the words, let alone say them out loud. Ned and MJ aren’t answering either. I’m so scared, Peter. I don’t know what’s happening. Thousands are missing or gone or whatever. I wish you were here so fucking much. I miss your voice. There’s only so many times I can listen to your voicemail before I lose my mind. I’m sleeping in your room. I hope that’s okay.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

**Day 2**

**Me (10:14am):** It’s the uncertainty that’s really getting me. Because I. I just _don’t know_ . I want to believe that you’re still alive and okay because you’re you! It’s impossible to think that you’re… No. I won’t think about that. I _can’t_ think about that. You’re fine and that’s that. Because if you’re not… then I don’t know what I’m going to do.

 **Me (9:24pm):** Your pillow still smells like you and I’ve been putting on your jacket when I want to feel close to you.

 **Me (9:25pm):** God that sounds creepy to say… I’m sorry.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

**Day 4**

**Me (1:58pm):** Yesterday was… honestly, yesterday was really bad. I won’t lie to you. May and I just sat in front of the TV and watched all day. They’ve got this 24/7 broadcast going on right now showing the names and faces of people that have been reported missing. You’re one of them and it was so fucking hard seeing your face on the screen. I don’t how to still have tears left to cry. Seriously. It’s all I’ve been doing for the past four days. But I don’t know what else to do…

 

* * * * * * * *

 

**Day 5**

**Me (2:22pm):** There’s definitely some looting happening. Nothing super close to us yet that we know of, but it’s still pretty freaky

 

* * * * * * * *

 

**Day 7**

**Me (4:45pm):** We’re trying to ration food as much as we can. We found a convenience store that still had some food thankfully. The doors were open and no one was inside. It felt really weird to just take stuff and not pay for it.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

**Day 8**

**Me (3:20am):** I wish it had taken me too. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to do this. I want to be with you.

 **Me (9:10am):** May heard me crying and just hugged me. I miss my Mom… I miss my Dad… I miss you...

 

* * * * * * * *

 

**Day 9**

**Me (10:42pm):** Your pillow doesn’t smell like you anymore…

 

* * * * * * * *

 

**Day 11**

**Me (2:28pm):** May still works at the hospital. She barely gets paid anymore because money isn’t really a thing. It’s all weird and frustrating, but she still feels like she needs to help out. I worry about her out there. I mostly stay in the apartment. May’s scared someone will snatch me up or something like that.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

**Day 12**

**Me (11:10am):** We realised we hadn’t tried calling Tony. When we did, Pepper picked up. She said that the day New York was invaded, Tony went up in the ship to try and stop them. He didn’t come back. Were you with him, Peter? Is that what happened? Are you stranded in space, not able to get back? God and I’m crying again. I just want to  _know_! I want to know what happened to you. I need to know...

 **Me (12:43pm):** Pepper says May and I can come to the compound if we want. That’s where she and a few Avengers are staying right now. She says they have lots of food there and we’d be safer. We’re thinking about it.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

**Day 13**

**Me (9:21pm):** May doesn’t want to leave the apartment. She’s scared that if we do then it’ll get ransacked and they’ll take everything. This is her safe place I think. This is where she and Ben and you were happy. She doesn’t want to abandon it.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

**Day 14**

**Me (12:01pm):** It’s always so dark here now. It’s like the sun has given up on us, on this planet. I hate it. I miss the sun. I miss the warmth. I miss a lot. Maybe it’s me. Maybe it only shines when I’m not looking outside.

 **Me (2:38pm):** I wish it had taken me too.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

**Day 16**

**Me (1:04pm):** We’re going to say yes. To Pepper’s offer, that is. May’s been struggling with the idea for days but she’s made her decision now. We’re taking everything of yours and Ben’s that matters, that has meaning, that we think you’d want if… when you come back. I can’t take all your lego, I’m sorry. I’ll do my best though, I promise you that.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

**Day 18**

**Me (3:48pm):** Okay we’re officially at the compound. Pepper somehow convinced the Black freaking Widow to come pick us up in some sort of jet. So that was something. She seemed seriously not okay though. Guess it’s not just normal people that this is affecting. So at the compound, there’s Pepper, Natasha, Colonel Rhodes, Steve Rogers, Thor and… a raccoon. That can talk. Apparently his name is Rocket. Yeah. May and I were a little freaked out by that one. It’s nice to not have to worry about people breaking in while we’re asleep and not having to ration food like crazy is definitely a relief. I think we made the right call.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

**Day 19**

**Me (2:32pm):** We got our official tour around the compound today. It’s beautiful here. Open land, water views, trees all around, quiet, peaceful. It’s so massive that I’m pretty sure I could go days without seeing anyone else here. With how everything is though, that’s not a good thing. I get anxious sometimes when I haven’t seen May for a few hours. Like maybe something happened to her since I last saw her, like what happened to millions of people. They’re still working on the numbers and it’s getting fucking terrifying how high those numbers are getting.

 **Me (5:57pm):** Oh god… Oh god… Natasha told us what happened. This alien guy, Thanos… He got this all-powerful stones together and with a snap of his fingers, he killed half the population of the universe. The fucking _universe_! Not just this planet, every planet in existence. He may have killed close to four billion people here, but it must have been trillions all up. I can’t even comprehend that. Just… fuck. Just fucking fuck. Why… How could anyone do that?!?!?!?! How could someone do that and think they were doing a good thing? I just… I’m so scared. Did that happen to you? Were you one of the four billion humans who were wiped out in a split second? Please… please don’t be. Please be alive. Please be okay. Just god… please.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

**Day 20**

**Me (10:14am):** I didn’t think Thor would be this quiet. I mean obviously I’ve never met the guy before, but I never picked him to be so quiet. From what Pepper has said though… it seems he has a lot of shit going on. Something about losing his home… planet? And most of his people as well, including his brother. Yeah, the guy who tried to take over New York. Still they’re brothers so of course he’s mourning. Steve, Natasha, Rhodes… all of them, even the raccoon, are in mourning.

 **Me (10:19am):** It’s been 20 days, _20 days_ , since it happened. How the hell do we… do I move on from this? How am I supposed to just live my life after something like that happened? I wish someone would just tell me what to do because I have no idea. I have less than no idea. I’m so tired.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

On day 22, something changed. A ship… A spaceship had just entered the atmosphere and it was headed toward the compound. My heart rate was already rising, my mind flashing back to the last invasion, the one that caused all of this. Pepper and the Avengers headed outside. May and I were told to hang back, just in case it wasn’t safe, so we stayed just outside the door of the main building, close enough to see but not close enough to hear that well.

It didn’t seem like the spaceship was actually operational. Instead, a glowing figure was moving it forward, flying just underneath the vessel. Once the ship’s feet had touched down gently, the figure descended down and the intense glow faded. It was… a woman? Before the Avengers had a chance to ask her any questions, the rear door of the ship pulled away and started lowering slowly to the turf. Two figures made their way down the ramp - one a blue humanoid looking alien with a few metal body parts and the other looking a lot more familiar.

Tony...

Steve got to him first, probably because Pepper was completely in shock. Steve and Tony exchanged a few quiet words and then Pepper enveloped the man in a tight hug. For some reason, Steve glanced back at me and May, a worried (well, more worried than usual) expression on his face. Tony seemed weak as well, like he needed help just to stay upright. He was also much thinner than I remembered him being. It wasn’t a healthy looking skinny either. Behind them, I saw the raccoon sitting down on the ramp with the blue alien. They gripped hands (?) and sat in silence.

May wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I realised I’d been shaking. No one else was coming out of that ship. We were both utterly terrified of what that meant.

Rhodes pulled Tony into a hug after Pepper had finally let him go. Once the two men pulled apart, Rhodes and Pepper helped him to move forward, keeping him steady. He looked so incredibly tired, more tired than I’d ever seen him look. I bit my lip anxiously and waited for him to see us. He lifted his head and locked eyes with me. He gave me a tiny smile, but then his whole body tensed up. He whispered something, his voice too quiet for me to hear, and Pepper whispered something back. He didn’t relax.

When they reached us, May greeted him. “Tony, it’s good to see you.”

He smiled weakly at May first and then at me, the smile not reaching his eyes. “Hey May. Hey kiddo. I’m glad to see you both made it. How long have you been here?”

“Just a couple days,” I told him. “Didn’t feel safe in the city anymore.”

He nodded but didn’t reply. There was an awkward silence between all five of us and I got the sudden feeling that there was something they weren’t telling us. My heart ached painfully because there could only be one thing that they’d be nervous to tell us.

“He didn’t make it… did he?” I whispered. May’s arm tightened around my shoulders and she stopped breathing, waiting for his answer.

Tony’s mouth opened a few times until finally he gave up and shook his head. May let out a distressed sob and I was suddenly holding her up so she wouldn’t collapse. As for me, I felt numb. The possibility that I’d been so desperately trying to ignore had now been confirmed. May needed me right now. I had to be strong for her. When I was alone… then I could break down and curse the world, but for now, I couldn’t.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

**Day 23**

**Me (4:12am):** I didn’t tell you enough. We wasted so much time. There is so much that I wanted to do with you, to experience with you. I wanted to live my life with you. I wanted to marry you and live in a shitty apartment with a dog that we probably couldn’t have there, but we’d hide them whenever the landlord came to inspect the place. You’d work with Tony, making the world a better place and I’d… do something. You know me, I didn’t exactly have a career planned out, but I knew that I wanted to be with you. You were my future. And now you’re gone. You’ve been gone for 23 days. Did it hurt? The thought of you in pain makes me want to cry all over again. Are you with Ben and your parents now? Are Ned and MJ there? Can you tell them hi for me please? I still have moments that I wish I was with you. Why am I still here? Surely if I was left here, there had to have been a reason for it. You should still be here, not me. You could have helped people. You’re so good… were so good at helping people. You could have done so much more than I can. I’m useless. I know May would much prefer you be alive than me. Obviously she’d never say that, but it’s true. She’d much prefer to have her nephew still alive than her nephew’s girlfriend. I’m just a reminder of what she lost. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Peter. I love you. I’ll do my best to take care of her. I miss you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Tony hated his wheelchair. He hated the IV he was hooked up to. He hated how weak he’d become. He wasn’t subtle about those feelings either. I… well I couldn't really understand, but I sympathised.

May had just passed out and I’d left her curled up in bed, tear-stricken and looking far from peaceful. It was a welcome respite, having been up for hours on very poor sleep to comfort her. Guilt rose up in me. I shouldn’t feel glad that she was unconscious and yet I did. Pepper was asleep as well, but Tony and I weren’t. He sat in the dining room, a tepid cup of coffee on the table in front of him, and I slumped down on the chair across from him.

“Want me to get you a fresh cup of coffee?” I asked.

“Nah, this one’s fine,” he shrugged.

I nodded and stared down at my hands. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to him - I wanted _desperately_ to talk to him, to get some answers - but I just figured that he would only retreat if he was pushed to talk. So I stayed quiet. Minutes passed by. Very slowly, I worked at getting dirt out from under my nails. After they were all clean, I started picking at a loose thread on the shirt I was wearing. Too late, I realised it was one of Peter’s and I suppressed a wince.

Tony finally broke the silence. “You said the city wasn’t safe anymore?”

“Yeah,” I said sadly. “My parents were taken in the snap so May took me in. People had started looting and… food was becoming kinda tricky to find and just… yeah. Kind of scary. No one actually broke into the apartment or anything, but we’d heard stories of people who that had happened to. We tried calling you and Pepper answered thankfully. It was difficult for May to leave the apartment, but I’m glad we did.”

Tony nodded, reaching forward and taking a sip from his mug. “I am too, kiddo. The compound is a much better place for you two. You’re safe here.”

“Yeah, we are,” I said. “I mean, what safer place is there than where the Avengers are, right?”

“The Avengers… right,” he chuckled darkly. “Well what’s left of us anyway.”

I didn’t know what to say to that so I just stayed quiet.

“We’re a mess. A goddamn mess,” he muttered. “Thanos wiped the floor with us. He shrugged off everything we threw at him. We had a _wizard_ on our team and he threw a fucking moon at us. A moon! How could we compete with that?”

I stared at him, wide-eyed. His words weren’t sinking into my head. How was it possible to use a moon as a weapon?

“I told him not to come. I didn’t want him to come. I wanted him here, where it was safe,” he said, his voice so quiet I had to lean in to hear him. “I told him that if he died… that it was on me. And it was. It was my fault.”

“Was it the snap?” I asked, interrupting his self-deprecating rant. “Or did he… d-die… in battle?”

He glanced up at me for a second, then looked back down at his coffee. “It was in the snap. He… he died in my arms. He… fuck!”

With a shaking hand, Tony hurled the cup against the wall and it shattered, cold coffee splattering against the carpet. I jumped, heart pounding. Tony’s head was down and he clutched his left arm tightly, shaking almost violently.

“Tony,” I said firmly. “Tony, look at me.”

He stayed locked in that position for a few seconds, but finally, he looked up at me. His eyes looked fucking haunted and my heart ached for the millionth time.

“Even if he was here, if he’d been safe with me and May, the snap would have still taken him.” The words were very painful for me to say, but he needed to hear them. “This guy went up against a shit ton of Avengers in Wakanda and they couldn’t beat him. He was… he was just in a whole other league I guess. I’m not sure there was anything you could have done to beat him. It’s not your fault.”

He was silent for a while, thinking over my words. “Thanks, kiddo. I needed that.”

I gave him a weak smile. “Thank _you_ , Tony. I was driving myself crazy wondering what happened to Peter and… even though it wasn’t the news I was hoping for… I feel better now that I actually know.”

“I wish I could have brought back different news,” he sighed. “If there was anyone who deserved to live, it was Peter. He had a seriously bright future ahead of him and I don’t think I’ve ever met a sweeter kid. I’m pretty sure that… if he had the right resources, he could have changed the world.”

“I don’t doubt it,” I said fondly. “He was… I feel like I’m biased, but he was a one in a million kind of person.”

“Yeah… we’re both kind of biased,” he chuckled.

I’m not sure when I started crying, but suddenly tears were rolling down my cheeks. “I miss him, Tony. I miss him so fucking much. I miss my parents. I miss Ned and MJ. I just…”

He pushed himself out of his chair and pulled me up into a hug. “I know… I know kiddo. If there was anything… anything I could do to bring him back… I would.”

“Really?” I whispered brokenly, clinging to him like a lifeline.

“Yeah,” he whispered back, running a soothing hand over my hair. “I promise, kiddo.”


	2. Life Goes On (Whether We Want It To Or Not)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge shout out to RaspberryJuli because this chapter probably wouldn't have happened if not for them. This chapter pretty much took over my life and I just had to get it out. I'm really happy with how it came out and honestly, I was almost crying at a few different points while writing it. I really hope you all enjoy reading it and thank you so much for all your likes and comments <3

The Avengers disappeared off into space, not necessarily optimistically… but filled with a grim determination. They are certain their plan is foolproof, no bullshitting or undeserved honour or respect for Thanos, just a brutal and efficient execution of the plan. May and I stood just outside the Compound to see them off, doing our best to be realistic about their chances. But… I couldn’t fully snuff out that tiny spark of hope that popped up when I watched their ship vanish from sight.

Rhodey didn’t accompany them, choosing instead to stay with Pepper to help Tony recover from his near-death experience in space. The first few days Tony spent mostly sleeping, but even his sleep wasn’t peaceful, being constantly woken by horrific sounding nightmares. May had nightmares as well, plagued with dreams of Peter dying. She retreated into a shell, leaving her room only to eat and use the bathroom.

I wasn’t much better though. A lot of my time was spent scrolling through old text messages (reading his ‘I love you’ messages brought fresh tears to my eyes, even when I thought I had none left) and staring at old pictures of the two of us. Whenever I needed fresh air, I’d head outside and just gaze up into the sky, searching for any sign of their ship, silently - and sometimes not so silently - praying for their plan to work.

They finally returned just under a week later. We hurried outside but instantly knew that something had gone wrong. Thor, who had been quiet before, now seemed completely defeated and disappeared basically as soon as they landed back on Earth. The rest of the team was suffering as well and weren’t eager to talk about what happened. Whatever the case had been, the dead were still dead.

Not that long after they return, the news of Pepper’s pregnancy was announced. The announcement brought the first smiles to the Compound in days, though Tony seemed more worried than anything. He confessed that he did, of course, want the baby, but was scared about the whole thing.

The future parents made the decision to leave the Compound, not wanting to raise Morgan in a place filled with bad memories, and extended the offer to May and me to go with them. Tony also promised that he would ensure May’s apartment would be kept safe and maintained should she ever wish to return to it. After a little bit of discussion, she and I agreed to go with them. After the whole Ultron situation, Tony bought a property a few hours away from New York and they decided that it was finally time to make the change and move out there. We made a pit stop in New York City to grab a few things and then left the state behind us.

It was a bit of a road trip to get to the Vermont property, but it was definitely worth it when we arrived and saw it for the first time. It was entirely remote and secluded, no other residents for miles and only the sounds of nature around us. The main house, a large and absolutely stunning wooden cabin built on the edge of the lake, would, of course, be Tony and Pepper’s home. Tony set up May and me in the guest cabin located on the other side of the lake. It wasn’t as fancy as the main house, but it was perfect. We all had our privacy but were only about a two or three minute walk apart.

Tony quickly installed his AI, Friday, in the main house and generously hooked us up as well. They weren’t the most modern homes in the world, but the peace and serenity were a wonderful balm for our wounded souls. May spent a lot of time outside, sitting down by the lake with her feet dangling into the water. Tony and Pepper began working to convert one of the bedrooms into a nursery. They wanted to do the whole thing themselves, from painting to building the crib.

When Pepper was four months pregnant, she and Tony get married, right beside the lake. It was a tiny and beautiful ceremony, with only Rhodey, Happy, May and me in attendance. They ensured their officiant would keep the location of their home a secret. It was a very emotional day, with barely a dry eye in the house. There was a definite dark cloud though since May, Tony and I all knew that Peter should have been there to be a part of the celebration.

At eight and a half months along, Pepper and Tony headed into the city and came back two weeks later with an adorable little daughter named Morgan. She had her father’s dark brown eyes and a thin layer of her father’s dark hair as well. The tiny girl immediately captured our hearts. The love and tenderness that Tony showed toward that girl was absolutely beautiful and he took to being a dad pretty much straight away. May and I helped out whenever we could, but also left them to bond as a family. 

I couldn’t help but think about how great Peter would have been as a big brother to baby Morgan. He had been great with kids and I knew he would have absolutely loved the little girl. Tony kept a photo of Peter front and centre in the house and one day, I walked in on Tony holding the photo up to his daughter and telling her all about Peter. I couldn’t hold back the tears, but it did make me smile.

Years slowly passed by. The three adults and Friday helped give me some sort of completion to my education. May gave me a basic medical education, which was helpful considering how far out we lived. Tony covered the scientific side of my education, including some basic physics, programming and robotics. Pepper, with the help of Friday, helped with some geography, maths and history. The three of them took turns teaching me to drive. Whenever Tony and Pepper needed a break, May and I took care of Morgan. Morgan grew into a kind-hearted and very smart little girl and I grew from a teenager to a young adult. Happy regularly came out to visit us and Rhodey came out whenever he could, in between his missions. The two men would also keep us up to date with world news.

Apparently, the big cities were suffering the most. Cars were still left abandoned in the streets and a lot of people weren’t moving on and living their lives. The worst news was the reports of suicides - people who just couldn’t cope with the losses and the new world we’d been thrust into. Some people were trying to bring things back to a kind of normal, trying to get businesses operating again and trying to give people reasons to keep going forward.

For me, some days were better than others. I had times when I was genuinely happy: Morgan walking and talking for the first time, hiking around the property with May and the Stark family, swimming, reading, finally finishing a project that had been plaguing me for weeks. Those were the days when we felt like we had achieved our own kind of normal.

Then came the bad days. I had times when I couldn’t even get out of bed and fits of crying that would last hours. I had days, usually coming after really good days, when I’d feel like I had no right to be happy at all. I’d wonder why I was spared in that moment, wonder why I’d been left when so many wonderful and probably more deserving people had been taken. Why hadn’t Peter been spared? Surely Peter would have been much more helpful in this post-apocalyptic world we now lived in. I had no powers, no skill set, nothing that was helpful in the new world.

I didn’t even have hope left. That had been shattered when the Avengers landed back on Earth and finally told us that Thanos had destroyed the stones so there was no way to bring back the Fallen. They were just gone, gone for good, and life had to go on. We didn’t have a choice. 

No matter how much time passed, I’d still go back and look at Peter and my text messages. I still slept with his jacket on when I had bad days, even though it hadn’t smelt like him in years and it had become a little small for me, because he still made me feel safe. I still loved him and I didn’t think I would ever stop. I couldn't see myself moving on. It sounded so cliche when I thought about it, but I really couldn’t see myself falling in love with someone else. Peter was it for me, even if he wasn’t around anymore. 

Plus, there weren’t many options for socialising or meeting new people out here in our little slice of paradise. But, this was home and I didn’t want to leave it. It was our protective bubble, and if I left it, if I went out into what the world had become, I’d have to face it and deal with it and that was the last thing I wanted to do. This was home and home was safe.

Though one day, five years after the Decimation, our little bubble didn’t feel so safe anymore.

The Avengers showed up to our property. Not all of them, just Steve, Natasha and Scott Lang. I was confused when I saw Scott; I’d been sure he was on the list of the Fallen. They came out to talk to Tony and saw Morgan for the first time. I watched from the windows of our cabin, a sinking feeling in my stomach. They looked serious, and while I had no idea what they discussed, for them to come all the way out here… it had to be something big. My suspicions were confirmed two days later.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

It was an absolutely beautiful kind of day, so I headed out to the dock and sat down on the wooden bench overlooking the lake. The cool wind sent gentle ripples across the surface of the water and the sun shone directly over the water, dazzling sparkles lighting up the entire lake. After a few minutes, I heard a door shut and looked over to see Tony headed in my direction. He made his way up the little dock and took a seat next to me.

“Hey kiddo,” he greeted.

“You know I’m 22 now right?” I said playfully. “How long are you going to keep calling me kiddo?”

He looked thoughtful for a second. “I’m going to go with... forever.”

“You’re really unimaginative when it comes to nicknames,” I laughed. He didn’t reply and I glanced over at him. He looked serious and my smile faded. “What is it, Tony?”

“You know how I promised you I would do anything to get Peter back?” Tony said, after a long pause.

I stared at him, not even daring to hope. “...Yeah?”

“I… I might know of a way to do it,” Tony sighed, looking down at his hands.

“O-okay,” I managed to say. “You don’t really sound sure about this, Tony.”

He shook his head. “No. No, it would work. I know it would.”

“Then wh-”

“I let him down. I let Peter down,” Tony said, the words bursting out of him desperately, like he’d been forcing them down for a long time. “Yes, I know, I know. He would have been taken anyway, but I still let him down. When I told you I’d do anything to get him back, I honestly wasn’t sure there was any way that would be possible, especially when Thanos destroyed the stones. But now… now there’s a chance! There’s a way to bring him back and I… I  _ have _ to do this. I owe him. He’s… he was t-the closest thing I had to a son.”

I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Listening to his words and the gut-wrenchingly sad look in his eyes was completely heartbreaking. Scooting over on the wooden bench, I leaned my head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around my back, resting it on the back of the bench. “Still not your fault,” I told him.

He shushed me, tilting his head to the side to rest on top of mine. “I never really planned on being a dad. When Pepper and I got more serious, I thought about it every now and again. Then Harley popped up, that little shit, and the idea of kids came back up, but still, I didn’t think it would happen. And then Peter came along and wormed his way into my heart and with him came you...

“When Peter d… died, I literally felt my heart break. I didn’t even know what to do with myself. I kept seeing his face and hearing him begging to stay. I thought about the future I wanted with Pepper. I thought I was going to die up there, filled with those regrets. But… I lived. Then Pepper said she was pregnant and those fears just… consumed me again. This was going to be my first kid… biologically, that is… and all I could think about was that I was going to screw this kid up.”

“But you didn’t,” I said, soothingly. “Morgan is beautiful and amazing and that’s entirely because of you and Pepper. You’ve done an incredible job and you are a great dad, Tony.”

“Thanks, kiddo,” he said quietly. “You’ve been a great big sister to her. I hope you know that she absolutely adores you.”

“Thanks, Tony,” I smiled.

I could practically feel his mood darken again. “As much as I love how things are now… living out here with Pepper and Morgan and you and May close by… I can’t help but think about Peter. If I do this right, I can save him… and your parents and your friends as well. Everyone who was snapped away could come back. I don’t think I can just ignore that. I would never be able to sleep knowing that I could have done something.”

“Tony… I get that, but I… I can’t help but feel like there’s something you’re not telling me,” I said hesitantly.

He sighed. “Every plan has risks, kiddo.”

“What kind of risks?”

“Not the kind for you to worry about.” He tightened his arm around me, trying to comfort me. “You and May will stay here to keep Pepper and Morgan company. If everything goes to plan, when I come back I’ll have Peter with me.”

“Just… please be careful, Tony. Please, promise me.” I curled into him, wrapping him up in a desperate hug and finally bursting into tears. “I don’t think I could deal with losing you.”

“Oh sweetheart,” he breathed, hugging me back just as tightly, his hand stroking over my hair. “It’s okay… it’s alright.”

“I love you, Tony,” I mumbled, my voice coming out even more muffled since my face was pressed against his chest.

“I love you too, kiddo,” he said, sounding a lot more choked up than he had before.

It was only later, hours after Tony had driven away from our lakeside sanctuary and disappeared from sight, that I realised he’d never actually promised me.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

While things seemed relatively normal, at face value at least, Pepper was definitely tenser than she normally was. She’d stare outside, as if hoping for her husband to pull up in the driveway. He never did though. The driveway stayed empty. She did a fantastic job of hiding her stress in front of her daughter though. Morgan was a smart girl; she knew something was going on. 

About three weeks after Tony left, Pepper received a call. Apparently, a massive fight had broken out at the Compound and she made the decision to go lend a hand. She took the suit Tony made her, aptly named Rescue, and left Morgan with May and me. We did our best to keep the young girl distracted, but we couldn’t stop thinking about whatever the hell was happening at the Compound.

They came home two days later. Tony kept the promise that he never made. He arrived back at the cabins, bringing Peter home with him. The only problem was… Tony wasn’t breathing when he came home.

Pepper immediately took Morgan inside so she didn’t have to see Tony’s body. It was definitely a good move because I immediately started crying when I saw him. My knees gave out and I slid bonelessly to the ground, barely feeling the sharp twigs and fallen leaves of the forest floor that I knelt on. His entire right arm and up the right side of his neck looked burnt, a charred charcoal black colour. The rest of his body was pale, and he looked peaceful… at rest, far more peaceful than he ever managed to look in life. I stared at the still form of the man who had become so important to me, one of the four people who kept me going after losing so much, and I couldn’t comprehend the fact that he was gone… dead.

I knew that there were people around me - all the survivors of the battle and all the Fallen brought back, presumably there to pay their last respects to Tony. I knew that May would have pulled Peter into the world’s tightest hug the minute she saw him. There was a voice in my head that screamed at me to get up and go to Peter, but I couldn’t move. My mind wouldn't budge from the fact that Tony kept his promise to me, but that it cost him his life to keep it.

I felt two people crouch down on either side of me. I instinctively knew that the person on my right was May. The person on my left I knew as well, but god had it been a long time.

“Peter…” I sobbed.

He immediately pulled me into a hug and May joined in as well, an awkwardly positioned and mildly uncomfortable three person hug. We all clung to each other desperately, tears streaming down all of our cheeks. My emotions were so intense and so contrasting. There is the immense joy from the return of all of the Fallen, knowing that back in New York my parents, as well as Ned and MJ, would be alive again. But the crushing grief and the twinge of guilt I felt from Tony’s death detracted from that happiness.

They buried Tony in the woods, not far from the main house, in the place Tony felt the happiest in his life. Happy, Rhodey, all of the Avengers (except for Natasha who hadn’t survived either), Nick Fury, Maria Hill, Thaddeus Ross, the Pyms are all in attendance. So many people that I’d heard of but had never thought I’d meet… Even Harley, another one of Tony’s pretty much adopted kids, came to say goodbye to him.

Pepper pulled out a wreath and set it down on the surface of the lake, the original arc reactor resting on top, and we all watched it drift away from us. I stood with May and Peter and Peter and I were both complete wrecks, sobbing quietly side by side, with May attempting to comfort us as well as she can. I cried even harder when Morgan hid her face in her mother’s stomach to hide her tears. That little girl deserved to have her father there by her side as she grew up. I knew Pepper and Happy and Rhodey, hell even me and Peter, would ensure she never forgot what an amazing, kind and selfless man she had for a father. But still… that girl deserved to have the real thing, not just stories of him.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

I found myself sitting on the dock bench, staring out at the wreath floating on the water. I had no tears left. Peter’s jacket hung around my shoulders, but I left my arms free, wrapping them tightly around my middle. A gust of wind blew past and ruffled my hair. I shivered. Soft footsteps approached and the bench dipped slightly as someone sat next to me, close but not close enough to be touching. 

“Hey…”

“Hey, Peter,” I said softly.

“How are you feeling?” he asked gently.

“Honestly?” I laughed once, no humour in the sound. “I have no idea how to answer that question…”

“Yeah…” he nodded. “I get that.”

He looked exactly the same as he had five years ago. Same soft and beautiful eyes, same adorable and fluffy looking hair. He looked like nothing had changed at all. Except that everything had changed. 

“Please don’t get me wrong,” I told him, giving him the barest hint of a smile, all I could really manage. “I  _ am _ happy to see you. I thought about you pretty much every day for the past five years. It’s just… I was pretty certain you were gone for good and it’s hard to wrap my mind around the fact that you’re really here in front of me right now. And with Tony and everything… I’m just… yeah. I’m not doing well.”

He inhaled sharply. “Fuck… five years. Like… obviously, I know it’s been a long time, since Tony has a daughter and all, but… actually hearing how long it’s been is really something else…”

“Yeah,” I said sadly. “Welcome to the year 2023, Peter. I’m honestly worried about when you get your phone charged up again because I’ve been sending you texts regularly for the past five years.”

He glanced over at me. “You have? You didn’t… forget about me?”

“That’s pretty much impossible,” I told him. “You kind of mean a lot to me, always have been and always will. The texts I sent… especially in the beginning, will give you a bit of an idea of what it was like.”

He let out a long, shaky breath. “God, I don’t know if I want to read that.”

“Yeah… the conversation was all a little one-sided,” I chuckled. “I did look a little desperate. That was way more than double texting.”

He laughed quietly. “Eh, I think I can forgive you for that.”

“Well… thanks.”

We were quiet for a little while, both staring out over the water again. Across the lake, a pair of squirrels played together on the edge of the water before chasing each other up the nearest tree and disappearing into the leaves. Peter seemed to be debating over something. I learned what it was when he hesitantly stretched his arm out over the backrest of the bench, just barely touching my back. I couldn’t stop the smile from appearing on my face. Despite everything… he was still Peter, still one of the most important people in my life. So I shifted closer and curled up against him. He sighed and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, holding me tightly. We didn’t fit together exactly like I remembered since I was a little bit taller than I’d been at 17. 

Oh wow… that was another thing.

“You know…” I said reluctantly. “At some point, we’re going to have to talk about the fact that I’m now five years older than you…”

“...Right,” he sighed. “It’s still hard to wrap my head around. C-can I ask you one thing though?”

“What’s that?”

“I know it’s been a really long time for you and… and I’d totally understand if you had, but I really do want to know,” he said, rushing through his words, tensing up as he spoke. “Have you moved on? Like… I’d get it if you had, but yeah I just need to know. Do you still love me?”

I didn’t need to think about my answer. “Of course I still love you. I don’t think it’s possible for me to not love you.”

“Really?” The tension slowly left his body. “I feel like it’s obvious, but I do want to say that I love you too.”

I smiled again, feeling that achingly familiar sensation of butterflies in my stomach, but it faded quickly. “But like I said… I’m 22 now and you’re still 17. I don’t even know how situations like this work anymore. Before Thanos fucked everyone over, an age gap like that could have ended up with me in prison! But now… I don’t even know…”

Peter sighed. “Yeah… you’re right. This whole thing is definitely a lot more complicated than it was before. I hope you know that I’m not going to just give up on this… on us… because of something like age. Even when you’re old and grey and I’m still young and full of youth, I’ll still love you!”

I rolled my eyes. “Wow… thanks, Peter.”

“You’re welcome.”

We lapsed into silence again, both distracted by our thoughts. It was a few minutes later that I had a thought.

“What was it like for you? The whole… dying thing,” I asked. “Oh god, I mean… you don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. That was so rude…”

“No, no, it’s okay,” he replied. “It was… Well, for most people, I think it was just an immediate and painless thing. For me, well… I think my healing abilities tried to keep me alive so the process kind of sucked for me. It was painful and in the end, I still disappeared. After that, it was like no time had passed at all, like we’d all just fallen asleep for a while. I just woke up on Titan, the planet we’d been fighting on, with the Guardians and Dr. Strange. Then Dr. Strange opened up the portal back to Earth and we were back again.”

“Seriously? That’s insane,” I said, thinking over his words.

He clutched me tighter. “But I… I can’t believe I died. I lost five years…  _ five fucking years _ . Five years I lost with you, five years I lost with May, five years I lost with Tony… He got married and had a daughter in that time! I- I should have been here for all of that!”

“I had thoughts like that too… I wondered why I had been spared when you had been taken,” I admitted. “I sent texts like that to you on my bad days. I would wish that I had been one of the Fallen… it seemed like the better option than just being left behind. But now… I realise that that was kind of dick thought to have because clearly you’re struggling too.”

He shook his head. “I think it would have been normal for you to have thoughts like that. And honestly, I’m a little jealous of you…”

“Jealous? Why?” I asked.

“You got to have five years… living out here in this remote little property with Aunt May, Tony, Pepper and their daughter… Morgan, right?”

“Yeah, Morgan,” I nodded. “We made the best out of our situation, I suppose. I hope you know that I would have given pretty much anything to have you here with us. If there was anyone who deserved that, it was you…”

“Thank you,” he mumbled. “Hey… can you tell me about him? Tony, that is. Like about what it was like for you guys living out here and… all about Morgan?”

I smiled at him, the first happy smile I’d had since Tony’s death. “I’d love to, Peter.”

 

* * * * * * * *

 

“Do you really have to go?”

Morgan’s tear-filled eyes were absolutely heartbreaking. It was almost enough to make me change my mind and just stay at the cabins. I shifted on the couch, with Morgan shuffling her feet just in front of me.

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” I told her. “I have to go back to New York City and find my family and my friends. I have to make sure they’re okay.”

“But… you’re leaving me too,” she whispered, looking down at her feet.

I pulled her up onto my lap and wrapped my arms tightly around her, burying my face in her hair. “Oh honey no. I might not be here with you, but we can still talk. Your mom can call me and we’ll talk for as long as you want, okay? And I’ll back out and visit whenever I can.”

“You promise?” Her voice shook and I felt her tears soaking into my shirt. 

My heart broke for probably the millionth time. “Of course. I’d never break a promise to my little sister.”

Going back to New York was a logical decision, but it wasn’t an easy one to make. These little lakeside cabins had really become home to me, and I really hadn’t left them that often throughout our entire stay. The remoteness and the quiet had really grown on me, so going back to the city was definitely a scary idea, all cramped and busy and loud… But New York City was home too… or at least it had been five years ago. Now that the Fallen had been brought back, I had to go back and reunite with everyone I’d lost. 

Peter and May put the last of our bags in the back of the car. I stood, gazing at the cabins and the surrounding woodlands.

“Are you ready to head back?” Peter asked, stepping up next to me and slipping his hand into mine.

I paused, chewing nervously on my lip. “I’m not sure if I am… but I do think it’s something I need to do.”

“Well, no matter what happens, we’ll work through it together, okay?” He squeezed my hand comfortingly.

“I know we will. I know I’ll always have you by my side,” I smiled. “And about the whole us thing…”

He looked slightly nervous. “Uh… yeah?”

“I’m not sure how this all will play out, but… I feel like this is a second chance for us and I don’t want to waste it,” I admitted.

“I completely agree,” he smiled back. “You’re basically it for me and I want to work through all of this together.”

I nodded. “Together.”

While our relationship had survived through an apocalypse, we were far from fully healed. We each had our own demons to face and it wasn’t going to be smooth sailing to work through those. Even though I’d lost one of the people that had been keeping me going, Tony’s sacrifice had given me back the people I’d lost. I’d never be able to repay him for that, but one way to try was… to start living again. And with Peter’s hand in mine, as we sat in the backseat of the car, with May in the driver’s seat, taking us back to New York City, I felt hope again for the first time in five years.


	3. Finding Our Own Kind of Normal

Coming back from the end of the world was truly a harsh reality. I’d thought Peter coming back from the dead and then immediately being thrown into an extremely high stakes fight was bad.  While that was still a horrible return, there were some other stories of people’s returns that were incredibly horrific. However people died was how they came back, so... that location exactly. So anyone who’d been in a plane or helicopter came back to life high up in the sky and instantly started plummeting to their deaths. To be brought back to life only to immediately die was a seriously fucking cruel fate. There were also people who’d lost hope and killed themselves, thinking their loved ones were gone forever. Then when their loved ones were brought back and realised what had happened, they quickly followed them to the grave. 

In our case, for the most part, things were pretty good. My return to New York was seriously emotional. It was an emotional roller coaster for Peter to read all the texts I’d sent during those five years and he’d immediately wrapped me up in a tight hug. He didn’t say anything, but I could practically hear him apologising in his head.

My parents had been very shocked and confused by the fact that the 17 year old they remembered was now a 22 year old that had spent the last almost five years of her life in remote Vermont. Most of our classmates back in 2018 had been taken in the snap (in fact I was one of only five in our grade who had survived) so at least Peter was with familiar faces when he went back to Midtown. Peter, Ned and MJ’s friendship hadn’t changed at all and the two of them adapted relatively quickly to all of the changes. The only difference was that I wasn’t in classes with them anymore.

Peter often got the “congrats on bagging an older woman” joke which grew old pretty quickly. Our relationship was also received with a fair share of raised eyebrows but we were far from the weirdest thing in whatever the world was now. Once Peter turned 18 and graduated from high school, things calmed down.

Those five years had definitely been rough and New York had really missed its local masked superhero. The rumours and speculations about Spider-Man’s disappearance had been another strong factor to May and I leaving the city. People would wonder if he’d also been taken in the snap or if he’d just decided New York was a lost cause. So the day that Spider-Man was spotted swinging between the towering city skyscrapers, the city rejoiced. Peter struggled at first, consumed by the idea that he’d let everybody down, but with May and I offering comfort and support, his guilt started to ease.

May, Peter and I frequently travelled back out to Vermont to visit with Pepper and Morgan. After all the time I’d spent at the cabins, being in New York again often got very stifling and claustrophobic, so our getaways back to Vermont were a godsend for me. Peter immediately adored Tony’s daughter, just like I knew he would. He and Morgan would spend hours together swapping stories of Tony. Peter would tell her about what a brave and wonderful man he’d been and about how incredible it was that he’d turned himself into a superhero. Morgan would tell him about what a great dad he was, about the forts they’d build hide from Pepper in and how he’d tell her the best bedtime stories. Watching them bonding put a smile on my face every time and spending time with my little sister again definitely made me happy.

Unfortunately, It wasn’t all smooth sailing. Peter and I both dealt with nightmares, terrible wake-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-screaming kind of nightmares. I’d dream of being asleep peacefully next to Peter and then waking up to a pile of dust. I’d dream of Peter announcing that he didn’t want me anymore. I’d dream that the Unsnappening (the new totally official term for the return of the Fallen) never happened at all, but instead of being with May, Tony, Pepper and Morgan, I was entirely alone. 

Pete would dream of Tony, watching his mentor… his dad… die right in front of his eyes. He’d dream of going through his day like usual and then suddenly he would start to fade away again, slowly and just as painfully as the first time. But mostly his nightmares featured his death on Titan and, despite the fact that as far as he’d been aware, no time at all had passed between his death and being brought back, he dreamt of being trapped in a terrifying nothingness. He said that he would spend hours just wandering around, screaming into an endless void, hoping that someone would hear him, but no one ever did. 

I spent more time at May and Peter’s apartment than I did at mine. It just felt weird to be away from May after spending five whole years together and my relationship with my parents was… somewhat strained. They struggled to understand just how much had changed, just how much  _ I _ had changed. They’d hear me wake up from those nightmares, crying and gripped by panic, and they would have no idea how to help me. I didn’t blame them for being so lost and uncertain since I felt the same way. In those moments when I woke from one of those horrible dreams, I really only wanted to hear Peter’s voice (or occasionally May’s voice, depending on what the nightmare had been about). But even better than those desperate post-nightmare phone calls was actually waking up next to Peter. He had similar experiences after waking up from nightmares so staying at the Parker’s apartment just made sense to us. So yeah, all of that left my relationship with my parents a bit strained, but we were working on it.

In mid-2024, Peter finished high school. I was also given a chance to take the final exams so I could graduate officially. I never thought I’d be one of the people who graduated high school in their early 20s, but I wasn’t complaining. Peter always imagined he’d work for and/or with Tony one he’d finished high school. So for that to not be an option any longer, he had no clue what to do. He thoroughly enjoyed being Spider-Man and wouldn’t have been opposed to doing that full-time, but being a superhero didn’t really pull in much… or any income.

The solution to his dilemma came in the form of Bruce Banner. Wielding the gauntlet and reversing the snap had definitely taken its toll on the man and his arm never really recovered from it. So he took Peter on as a lab assistant and Peter took to the job right away. He came home with a brilliant smile on his face and felt much better knowing he was working on helping people again, outside of heroing of course. 

 

* * * * * * * *

 

A year after graduation, our world was rocked once again. May had been more tired than usual and seemed to catch every cold that went around. Peter urged her to go to the doctor, but May waved off his concerns, insisting she was fine. Then one day, mid-shift at the hospital, May collapsed. She was immediately made a priority patient and was rushed for testing. Peter was a mess and I wasn’t much better. We clung to each other in the waiting room, soaking each other’s shirts with tears. The staff and other people in the waiting room looked at us with sympathy, but we paid them no mind, lost in our shared fear and worry.

Cancer. May had fucking cancer. What the fuck kind of cruel world would force one of the kindest and most amazing women in the world to lose her nephew for years, and then bring him back only to throw a cancer diagnosis in her face? Specifically a leukemia diagnosis - acute myeloid leukemia.

May looked so exhausted as she laid against the stark white sheets of the hospital bed, an IV hooked up to her arm. Time seemed to fly by as doctors came in and out of the room, talking about symptoms, treatment options, survival rates, and possible complications. May seemed to understand what they were saying, but all the medical jargon flew right over my head. What I did understand was that before they could start chemotherapy, we needed to find someone who could donate stem cells for May, but that finding someone who was a match wasn’t easy.

Waiting to find a match was agonising. Peter ruled himself out immediately. It was a horrible decision for him to make since he knew he would have been the best chance for a match since he was a blood relative, but he had no idea how his spider infused DNA would affect May’s system, so he didn’t get tested. I was also tested immediately and was ruled out.

Finally, though, it seemed fate had decided it had fucked us over enough. They found a match, Pepper Potts. She’d driven to New York with Morgan as soon as Peter had called her and asked to be tested straight away. And lo and behold, she was a suitable donor. The odds of her being a match for May were astronomically low and I couldn’t stop hugging her. I’d been so convinced we’d waiting weeks trying to find someone and then May would have gotten weaker and weaker and it would have just been horrible. 

Peter tried to stay strong and have hope, but I lost track of how many times he cried in my arms. Morgan understood that May was sick but didn’t really understand the severity of her illness. She just kept asking May when she’d be all better and I had to leave the room to cry in privacy.

The doctors wasted no time and immediately began chemotherapy. Despite it being a lower dosage, going through chemo was still seriously rough for May and she looked so frail. Still… she was one of the strongest women I knew - way stronger than I would have been in her shoes -  and suffered through with a smile on her face and a witty remark always ready, even as her hair clumped and fell out. The civilians of New York once again noticed the absence of their homegrown hero but Peter could hardly bear to leave May’s side.

Finally, what felt like an eternity later… or a month to be more specific, the doctors decided they were ready to proceed with the stem cell transplant. Pepper was a great sport with the whole stem cell extraction. She was given her own hospital bed in May’s room to recover from the procedure, but aside from some back pain, she was fine. We then waited anxiously as May was given the harvested stem cells. The doctors were hopeful and, though the next few months were filled with stressful waiting, the transplant seemed to have been successful. May was finally declared to be in remission and we all felt a tiny bit of weight disappear from our shoulders. 

 

* * * * * * * *

 

After so much stress and anxiety throughout the year, at the end of 2025, we finally had a reason to celebrate, on top of May’s remission of course. Peter, who’d never been the best at subtlety, hid a dark blue velvet box in the bottom of one of his dresser drawers. Then one day, as I was helping May with the laundry, I found it. I didn’t have to play dumb for very long though.

On our anniversary, after dinner at a moderately fancy restaurant, Peter proposed. He was adorably nervous, stammering his way through his seemingly well-rehearsed speech. We also weren’t quite sure how long we’d been dating for - was it 4 years or was it 9 years? Did the years with one of us technically dead count or not? - but the whole thing was still wonderful and romantic and, despite the fact that I’d known it was coming, I still absolutely cried. Peter and I went home that night with giant smiles on our faces and a brilliantly sparkling ring on my finger.

Peter had, of course, confided in May about the whole thing, but she cried just like I had. She pulled the two of us into a massive hug and I started to cry once again when she whispered in my ear, “You’ve always been a part of this family, but I’m so excited for you to officially be a Parker.” I clung to her, the woman who’d been a massive part of keeping me afloat for so long, and let myself forget about stress and worry, at least for a little while, and allowed myself to just be happy.

 

* * * * * * * *

 

Threat wise, things on Earth were pretty quiet. Even Dr Doom seemed to be keeping his villainy to a minimum. The Avengers were a little bit disorganised at first, what with losing Steve, Tony, and Nat. The Accords pretty much fell apart as well. They’d been mostly ignored for the five years post Snap since Tony, who’d been the main negotiator for the whole process, just didn’t have the desire or energy to deal with it anymore. 

Rhodey kind of took charge after a few months and brought all the stray Avengers back together with the exceptions of Thor, who was off in space with the Guardians, and Captain Marvel, who was also in space helping other planets recover from everything. It took a lot of time and a scary amount of money to rebuild the Compound, but they managed to get it mostly back to how it was. Rhodey started up team building drills, exercises, and sparring and managed to get them working fairly well together. Ant-Man and Hawkeye preferred to spend time with their families since they’d lost so much time with them. But other Avengers, like Wanda and to a lesser degree, Bucky, were more involved since they didn’t really have much in the way of families. For them, the Avengers were their family.

In spring 2027, they all gathered back at the cabins in Vermont, for a much happier reason than back in 2023. There was also far less black clothing and a lot more smiles. There were still tears, but they were good tears.

Peter was confined to the guest cabin with May, Ned and a few of our friends. I was confined to the main cabin with Pepper, Morgan and MJ, and my parents. They were very determined to keep us apart since apparently, it was bad luck for us to see each other until the right moment. Finally, though, Peter was in position, all the guests were milling around waiting for the event to start, and the girls had finally finished dolling me up. 

The sticks and leaves crunched under my feet as I walked from the cabin to the clearing they’d set up, my arm tucked through my dad’s. Morgan skipped along ahead, her pale blue dress flowing out around her with every movement. A brilliant smile lit up the little girl’s face and I felt the tightly bound ball of nerves in my chest ease up a little. Behind Morgan was MJ, dressed in a slightly darker blue dress with a small bouquet of white roses in her hands. She complained about having to dress in such a girly way, but the tiny almost hidden smile on her face let me know she didn’t mind too much.

My dress wasn’t overly elaborate, just a plain white gown with a beaded belt around my waist and a soft flowing skirt, just barely brushing against the ground as I walked. We’d honestly put more time into finding Morgan’s dress than we had mine. That girl was surprisingly picky; it definitely looked like she’d inherited her father’s taste in clothing. My veil fell to my waist and had tiny little crystals all along the edges of the material. 

We approached the clearing where Rhodey, Happy and Pepper had set up a few rows of chairs and a little arch made of twigs and branches decorated with greenery and white roses. The same officiant who’d done Pepper and Tony’s ceremony stood under the arch, reading over his speech one more time. I could barely see Peter. He stood in a little group with May and Ned. Both men wore striking black suits with blue ties (the same blue as MJ’s dress). May’s hair had grown back to her immense relief. It hung just past her shoulders normally; Pepper had curled it a little bit so it looked slightly shorter than it really was. May had chosen a long, flowy dress with thick straps in a dusty red colour. It was wonderful to see her looking so happy with everything she’d been through.

Then, Peter caught my gaze just over Ned’s shoulder and things just… stopped in my head. His eyes just lit up, a look of stunned awe appearing on his face. Ned was still talking but he quickly realised that Peter was no longer listening. I was pretty much the same; I knew the small crowd of people were all getting to their feet and turning to look in my direction, but I just couldn’t tear my eyes away from him. Every moment of anxiety, every moment of worry, every twinge of nerves… it all faded away and I felt only love and an eagerness to marry the love of my life.

Dad led me down the makeshift aisle (a path cleared of leaves and twigs). When we got closer, Peter held out his hand for me and, after kissing Dad on the cheek, I closed the distance between us and took his hand. Before we officially began the ceremony, we’d asked the officiant for a moment of silence for all of the people who should have been in attendance, but who’d been taken way too soon. Richard Parker… Mary Parker… Tony Stark… I felt tears welling up in my eyes, but they didn’t fall.

After that, everything kind of passed by in a blur. I repeated the words the officiant wanted me to repeat and Peter did the same. And then before I knew it, Peter and I were husband and wife. He pulled me in for a long, deep kiss to seal the deal and we smiled against each other’s lips as our audience clapped, cheered and wolf-whistled. Just seeing the look of pure, unadulterated joy on his face when we pulled apart made me fall even more in love with him.

 

* * * * * * * *

In 2031, our lives changed again, rather dramatically. The three years preceding that were difficult. A bit over a year into our marriage, we decided to start trying to fall pregnant. At first, it was fun and exciting. But as the months went on, nothing was happening, despite our… enthusiastic efforts. After a year of trying, we started to think maybe there was some sort of problem. The doctors said there was nothing wrong, but we still started IVF. Another year of failed attempts and a lot of spent money followed. 

That was when we pretty much just gave up. We started thinking that maybe kids just wouldn’t be in our future. Biological kids anyway - adopting was always still an option of course. Our relationship had started to suffer, though. With all the stress and the worrying, we were snappier with each other and were just fighting more. All of the time we’d spent trying for a baby had honestly taken all of the fun and happiness from our relationship. 

So we decided to just take a step back and focus on us again. We went out on dates, we took time off work just to spend time together, we went on a much-needed vacation and just… had fun together. Things continued that way for a few months and we were both happier with the change. Not that we were finished with the quest for children, but it was nice to not focus on it for a while. 

Mid-January 2031, the topic was extremely abruptly brought back up when I staggered out of bed to vomit. Peter was away on a business trip with Bruce for a few more days so I was alone in our apartment. Not wanting to jump to conclusions (something we’d done way too often in the past three years…), I decided to give it a few more days just to make sure. I quickly ruled out food poisoning when the next three mornings began with the same rush for the bathroom. So I finally headed to the pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test… or five. Three minutes had never felt longer in my life, but I spent the entire time building up the courage to check the little plastic sticks. I took a deep breath and looked… They were all from different brands - some showed crosses, some showed two lines - but they all showed the same result.

I was pregnant.

The more specific test I’d bought said that I was six weeks pregnant. I spent the next hour sitting on the toilet in the bathroom, just staring down at the tests, waiting for it to sink in. Thankfully, Peter would be returning the next day so I didn’t have to keep the information to myself for too long. This wasn’t the kind of information that could be sent over text or phone call.

When Peter arrived home, I greeted him with a kiss and a wrapped present. Inside was the little stack of positive pregnancy tests. He looked confused for a split second, practically dropped the small box in his shock, and then pulled me into the world’s tightest hug and laughed disbelievingly. He immediately moved back, muttering about being scared of hurting the baby if he hugged me too hard, but I just laughed and hugged him again.

We kept it a secret for the next two and a half months, afraid that if we told anyone about the incredible and amazing fact that I was finally, fucking  _ finally _ pregnant, the little protective bubble would burst and something would go wrong. But at four months pregnant, I was starting to show and undoubtedly Pepper, May and my mother would notice. 

We decided to invite everyone over at once so we’d only have to make the announcement once. My parents were chatting with May and Pepper, who’d just driven down from Vermont with Morgan. MJ, Ned, and Betty were entertaining a now 11 year old Morgan (I still had no idea how that had happened; she’d gone from a tiny little adorable girl to a still utterly adorable moderately taller child practically overnight). Identical grins lit up their faces when we told them the news.

Their excitement continued for the rest of the pregnancy, but Peter and I were still unnecessarily careful just to make ultra super sure that nothing would go wrong. Then at 38 weeks, my waters broke and we headed into the hospital to welcome our first child into the world. We hadn’t checked the sex of the baby, wanting it to be a surprise, and we are greeted with a beautiful baby boy. Whether any of Peter’s altered DNA was passed down to him was uncertain, but one thing we had no doubts about was what we would name our son.

“Anthony Benjamin Parker, you were named after two of the bravest men I ever knew.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Peter… are you quoting Harry Potter to our son?”

“I… might be,” he admitted.

Shaking my head, I laughed tiredly. “I’m not even mad.”

Peter stood close to the window, rocking the tiny little bundle in his arms with extreme care. He shifted the blanket back a little and tilted Anthony up enough so I could see his adorable sleepy face even as I laid on the uncomfortable hospital bed.

He smiled down at our son. “I think he’s gonna be a Gryffindor like his dad.”

“Peter, you’re the biggest Hufflepuff I know,” I chuckled, pulling the thin blanket up higher and snuggling down into the pillows.

He gasped, looking completely betrayed. “What? How could you say that?”

“I’ll compromise and say you’re a Gryffinpuff,” I said.

He thought about it for a second before finally nodding. “I’ll take it.”

He walked back over to my bed and handed tiny Anthony down to me, pressing a light kiss against his forehead before kissing me. We sat quietly just looking down at him.

“It’s actually setting in that we’re really parents now,” he whispered.

“I know,” I whispered back. “It may have taken a long time, but… it was worth it.”

“So worth it,” he nodded.

I paused for a second and then glanced up at him. “Do… do you think we’ll be good parents?”

“I… Well, honestly I don’t know,” he answered. “I think that… we’re going to do the best we can and I think that’s enough.”

“That was inspiring, Pete,” I said. “You’re right… We can do this.”

“Of course we can! And if we ever need help, we have a lot of support around us,” Peter said softly, running a hand comfortingly through my hair.   
“I love you,” I smiled.

“I love you too.” He leaned over and kissed me again.

Life had thrown its fair share of twists at us, both good and bad, but things finally seemed to be calming down. May’s cancer hadn’t returned, Morgan was growing up into a beautiful person, and Peter and I had finally started our family. While some people would probably look at our situation and think it was far from normal, for us… it was our own kind of normal and it was absolutely perfect for us. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly never expected this fic to be this long, but I have had so much fun writing this. Thank you so much to everyone who supported this fic, whether it was likes or comments or bookmarks or even just reading it. It means so much to me <3


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